It’s all over but I have left the largest part of my heart behind. It is said that moving on is the hardest thing one does, letting go of the one you thought was the love of your life, leaving your child behind for your better good or breaking a vow that you expected to keep till your last breath. Sometimes even when we leave the places and the people that mattered the most, we haven’t quiet left them. Leaving the place I spent 4 years of my life in has been the toughest of all for me. I am not a fan of changes anyway. It wasn’t just a place where I spent time but it had become my life. I knew who would greet me in the morning at the gates, who would frown to see me, where to park my car or which of my friends or acquaintances will be arriving about the same time as me. Even the dreadful drive every morning towards it now seems priceless. Every corner of the building had somehow molded itself according to my needs and assistance. Or may be after sometime you get so used to it that you wouldn’t like to change anything.. as I said earlier I am not a fan of changes.
I remember my walk from the parking lot to the inside, yes it transformed every year but those remains the best walks of my life till date. Even when I walked alone, in fact now that I think of it alone were the best ones. This makes me realize why I so instantly related to the reading from my favorite book where Milan Kundera wrote “she loved to walk down the street with a book under her arm. It had the same significance for her as an elegant cane for the dandy a century ago. It differentiated her from others.” I can not explain this better then him.
It’s strange that today I remember each walk that I took from the same parking lot to the building for four years when I fail to remember which restaurant I visited last month. I miss my chair and the desk that bared my piles of sheets, copper and zinc for hours and days and never complained, the walls that endured my careless and selfish marks. I hope they miss me too. The beautiful friendships that I formed and the ones I left behind. I cherish each for its own uniqueness.
I am a girl of sentiments. I felt the pain long before I knew I one day have to leave this place, before anyone was thinking about it. I was afraid of the change, some part of me still is. But today I understand one thing that the place that I thought only belonged to me has moved on too. “My” chair and “MY” table is today someone else’s chair and table. Life doesn’t stop and you certainly can’t do anything to make it stop. You must change with the change. Move as it moves, only then you can know what truly meant the most. However today I write for you, I feel a big part of myself is lost somewhere between those walls and those stairs, under the tree where I parked my car. I love you and where ever I go, however I change you will always remain the most substantial part of my life.