save.the.date

My love for fancy feasts and extravagant events and decorations never really died. As a teenager I used to admire the beautiful long tables in movies and magazines, the crisp white canopy adored with lanterns and lush green ferns. I always wanted to create something like that, and host it too. I am a dreamer and long before things actually take place I imagine things in my head; I guess that comes with being an artist. I visualize a lot and if I want to create whats in my head i’ll go to any lengths to make it happen.

My Save the date dinner was the best opportunity for me to create what I always wanted. I and my fiancé hosted a dinner for 30 of our closest friends and everything I made starting from glass lanterns to party favors was handmade and meticulously planned. Here is how it turned out.

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UMPTEEN

No amount of chances is enough for an impostor. Love often manipulates the heart and mind to make a mistake not once or twice but as many time as your love asks for it. Grievously a heart of a cheater will remain that way and no amount of time and chances can change it. However the ones who give will keep giving because it is not a matter of gaining for them anymore. And such people fall in love with their sufferings eventually. Nothing scares them anymore, except a hope and fear for the day that impostor might wake up and realize what he has lost and undoubtedly he is the unluckiest of them all. He will not be able to blame his destiny or fate because he deliberately let go of the umpteen opportunities that a heart full of love laid before him. 19993291-256-k606989

Abaft

blogIt’s all over but I have left the largest part of my heart behind. It is said that moving on is the hardest thing one does, letting go of the one you thought was the love of your life, leaving your child behind for your better good or breaking a vow that you expected to keep till your last breath. Sometimes even when we leave the places and the people that mattered the most, we haven’t quiet left them. Leaving the place I spent 4 years of my life in has been the toughest of all for me. I am not a fan of changes anyway. It wasn’t just a place where I spent time but it had become my life. I knew who would greet me in the morning at the gates, who would frown to see me, where to park my car or which of my friends or acquaintances will be arriving about the same time as me. Even the dreadful drive every morning towards it now seems priceless. Every corner of the building had somehow molded itself according to my needs and assistance. Or may be after sometime you get so used to it that you wouldn’t like to change anything.. as I said earlier I am not a fan of changes.

I remember my walk from the parking lot to the inside, yes it transformed every year but those remains the best walks of my life till date. Even when I walked alone, in fact now that I think of it alone were the best ones. This makes me realize why I so instantly related to the reading from my favorite book where Milan Kundera wrote “she loved to walk down the street with a book under her arm. It had the same significance for her as an elegant cane for the dandy a century ago. It differentiated her from others.”  I can not explain this better then him.

It’s strange that today I remember each walk that I took from the same parking lot to the building for four years when I fail to remember which restaurant I visited last month. I miss my chair and the desk that bared my piles of sheets, copper and zinc for hours and days and never complained, the walls that endured my careless and selfish marks. I hope they miss me too. The beautiful friendships that I formed and the ones I left behind. I cherish each for its own uniqueness.

I am a girl of sentiments. I felt the pain long before I knew I one day have to leave this place, before anyone was thinking about it. I was afraid of the change, some part of me still is. But today I understand one thing that the place that I thought only belonged to me has moved on too. “My” chair and “MY” table is today someone else’s chair and table. Life doesn’t stop and you certainly can’t do anything to make it stop. You must change with the change. Move as it moves, only then you can know what truly meant the most. However today I write for you, I feel a big part of myself is lost somewhere between those walls and those stairs, under the tree where I parked my car. I love you and where ever I go, however I change you will always remain the most substantial part of my life.

OH! the places you will go.

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medium: assemblage

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installation

And when you start giving your dreams such importance that they are not your dreams anymore, instead they become a burden, a load. Soon you want to get rid of this heaviness and start a journey towards a lighter being. And on your way you realize its been a delirious journey. Thus Mockery of my dreams.

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line etchings

The Unattainable fruit.

All of us have some desires and goals towards what we are working for each day, striving to achieve them, however it is not uncommon that we face difficulties and hindrances on our way to obtaining these goals. According to me there are two types of people, one who give them up and change their path due to these obstacles and then there are other, the ONE’s i am talking about who keep trying and never give up. The feeling of  getting to something and knowing that it isn’t impossible, well because nothing is impossible, still you cant get it even though there are times when you feel that you are almost there but not really there. THE ” AGITATION ” is what i am talking about. when you see some delicious looking cookies in front of you but you are told not to eat them, or they are kept on the top shelf and your hands cant reach there.